I am not a nice person. Oh sure those people who have invested the time to get to know me will say, "Oh honey that’s not true. You are nice!" And while it’s true, I don’t kick puppies or pull on pig’s tails (or Bebe’s pigtails when we do her hair), I am not that nice.
In short, I can be rude, I have downright purposely left my manners at home on occasion and even when the mood strikes me, been irresponsible and had a lack of respect for those around me.
Why am I telling you all of this? It’s not in hopes of getting you to like me more, I’m not out to win an award… ask my kids, I am not up for Mom of The Year – I actually get off on being mean when appropriate (like room cleaning, chores and brushing teeth). I’m telling you because an interesting discussion over at Deb Ng’s blog on Rudeness is going on and it sparked something in me.
She discusses where people have somewhat gone wrong in their ability to be nice and play nice online. Is the cyber world getting too mean and nasty? It’s a good question and I can say that I’ve seen some of what she’s saying… I’ve probably even participated in it and I know I’ve blogged about it (I suppose you can even say that what I am telling you now is somewhat contradictory to what I’ve blogged) but that said… I stand firm that I can believe and feel what I’ve said in the past and what I am saying now.
I feel like the world we have today is soooo Politically Correct, or it tries to be PC, that it has gone seriously wrong.
Take for instance our kids: they can’t pray in school, no one wants the Pledge of Allegiance said and Lord Forbid we have a doggone Christmas concert because everyone who does not celebrate Christmas will have kittens and everything must be in two languages for those that don’t have English as a first language (when I was in school the choice of which language didn’t come until sophomore year but whatever).
If we get mad at someone while driving, give them a sweet smile and a wave or you have road rage (sorry, people still get flipped off by me. I can’t smile if you cut me off and I have a van full of kids… and before you start, yes I know it’s not nice for children to see you flip someone off or say all kinds of pretty words at them while laying on your horn but if I didn’t then the children wouldn’t have half the vocabulary they have today).
I don’t condone the meanness but I admit to being mean, I admit to complaining about people who don’t offer a fair wage for writers and I more than admit to Bi%&*ing about people who don’t pay (still waiting on $81 if you’re out there reading this), and I’ve whined and complained about a trillion other things and so have lots of other bloggers, writers, moms, dad’s, diplomats, politicians (I won’t even start on them – I am not a political blogger but I will say none of them make me smile), and we’ve all gotten downright mean, snarky and rude from time to time.
We are human? I thought so… and I also thought that rudeness, nastiness and the lack of manners is all a part of human nature. It happens. We do it (and many of us feel horrible about it afterward and are sincerely apologetic when it happens). For whatever reason some people thrive and get off on it (I’m only out for mean mom award K?), and it seems that it just isn’t allowed in the "real world" anymore so…
We took it to the Net! That’s right… before the Internet the world was populated with all kinds of wrong behavin people but now they are online! And because the Internet is sooo vast and global like that, that this is where the meanness is.
I don’t think it’s wrong and I don’t necessarily think it should be quieted either. As a person who tries to smile nicely every day and do "the right thing" for everyone and anyone, the Internet is a miraculous place to be anonymous and mean all at the same time. It’s a place to hide and hiding is great! I personally love to be able to hide from time to time (though it’s getting harder).
For a long time I’ve felt that it’s the quieter people (self included) that have a tendency to get mean or rude. We spend our days playing good roles, nice roles that very rarely unless we plug in to the Web, we don’t get a chance to show a little of our other sides. Me? I’m mouthy here and in the real world. The fact is that we didn’t want all the snark in the real world so we made it taboo and now when people show themselves and get all kinds of wrong on the Internet we don’t want it here either. We took the nasty out of the real world and let it run free on the Internet with no guidelines (the invisible ones we make up as we go along are too hard to follow I think).
I’m still a firm believer that people can disagree without name-calling and being hurtful and I am also a believer that if we start telling people that they can’t even be mean or rude online when they feel they need to… we stand to wind up with a frustrated society that will never feel comfortable telling people where to go or how to get there! (And sometimes we need to do that, ok maybe it’s only ME who needs it but whatever). But we can’t promote the one place where anonymity or freedom of expression (or speech for that matter) still has an outlet and then tell people that they can’t or shouldn’t do it. Absolutely it’s wrong to be mean just for meanness sake but for those who have a little snark in them naturally??? What are we to do with them?
Should they be nicer? Yes. Should they all just get along? Absolutely! Should I stop flipping people off when I drive and stop giving the teachers a reason to call my house when Shorty demonstrates his newfound vocabulary to the kid who shoved him off the snow mound? Probably but the more likely is that I won’t and neither will people online or in the real world.
I know that Deb was discussing more of the golden rule standard, and I believe in that too but for the world we live in, I don’t think that’s possible anymore.
We are running out of places to be A$$es when we want to.
As I have said a thousand times, I think we were separated at birth. I can take a lot, and am usually very quiet, but when pushed too far, look out. I’ll let loose on you and don’t care if the world hates me for it!
Well obviously, I think there is a time and a place for snarkiness. That said, even I think some of the circumstances Deb is speaking of (and linking to) have crossed the rudeness line. I’m not above chewing out a cheapskate job poster, but pointing out people’s typos (especially on blogs where they’re obviously not earning any money) and castigating a contest promoter because I don’t agree with the rules s/he sets are not my thing.
@ Shannan – remind me never to make you mad LOL
@ Irreverent Freelancer – I don’t disagree with that at all (or what Deb and the links talk about) – it’s not in my nature to do those kinds of things either (and I wouldn’t even call those people mean or rude, there’s other words I would use… lacking intelligence comes to mind ) but I took away from it that we need to play nice when I think there are perfectly fine situations for not being nice at all. Clearly correcting grammar for the sake of looking like a better writer is just… well, STOOPID (notice the error in grammar).
I’m only pointing out how while the niceties are nice… and we should all practice the golden rule; It’s also just as needed to not be nice, stand up for yourself and not be afraid to make an idiot of yourself simply because the world is telling us we shouldn’t anymore.
And thanks! I love it when you come by and comment… you always make me think more about what I want to say!
Sometimes meanness is required. Sad, but true. I agree with you, we should have some places where we feel free to express ourselves EXACTLY as we see fit, without worrying about how others will perceive us for being true to ourselves. Bravo!
I actually completely agree with you. I was kind of getting a little tired of all the “can’t we all just get along” posts. NO, sometimes we just can’t. LOL I neither moderate my comments nor censor them (at least I haven’t had the need to so far), so I’m on the same page as Snowflake as well. I want my readers to express themselves as they see fit, even when they’re pointing out my typos and tell me I’m a “condescending jerk.” ;o)
Thank you both! I have to admit I was a little leary putting all that out there because like it’s been said, we don’t know what type of meanness will strike but I figured if I am a big enough girl (wearin my big girl pants today!
) then I might as well be big enough to take whatever comes flying my way!
If someone wants to point out all my typos and feel they have the time to run this show better than me, then Let Them I Say! If I feel like getting nasty because someone piddled in my Wheaties then I’m gonna complain because this is my blog and well… it’s mine. I don’t think we should step on each other’s toes but I don’t think we should step around everyone all the time either.
Thanks for letting me know I am not completely Insane (at least not today!)